At the very beginning of the Corona Virus outbreak, something happened. I was driving down the road with my kids, we had just gone to the bicycle shop and I bought in them brand new bikes as they had outgrown their old ones. Frankies was now too small. I also backed over Olive’s bike in my car that morning, mangling it beyond repair.
It was just another day of this quiet new normal time we’re all spending with our families and as I drove down the road all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe. I thought “oh my God I am dying of the Coronavirus I can’t breathe. I got dizzy. i thought “it starts in the lungs” so I pulled the car over and then I got out and walked around. My vision went completely blurred and the more I thought about the scenarios, my throat closed up. I couldn’t swallow. In this moment nothing in me could get to my breath. I couldn’t catch it. It was water running through my hands, and then I started talking to myself “there’s a graveyard I’ve seen before before” a marker of the familiar. Then my eyes saw a man walking his white dog, and I said out-loud “ I see the man and his dog, I’m walking on grass I see bicycles” I would tell me myself about logical observations all while the dizziness and the blurriness and the short of breath-ness got increasingly worse.
I sent myself back in the car and I thought if I just headed home …I know the route it’s like second nature. I got back in the car. I kept driving and not being able to breathe and I didn’t want to endanger my daughters, so I pulled over again on a different road and I walked up and to a field of bushes and brown leaves and then I asked “what I f I die right here on the side of the road in a big brown pile of leaves?” I just thought “I can’t die I have daughters to take care of but maybe I need to go to the hospital” “A hospital is a safe place” and then I started thinking about the hospitals right now being overrun with Coronavirus. I not only didn’t want to bother anyone if I wasn’t really dying as there were far more important cases. And all the news was saying don’t got to the hospital… And that was it. I went into a deeper panic attack than I was having before. Now I was certain I couldn’t catch my breath at all now ands was gasping. I started to flag down cars for help. All the sudden there were no cars in the road for about two minutes and that made me even more scared. I finally flagged and down a woman in a blue Land Rover and she was very angry and started yelling at me. I wanted to plead with her but the more I kept waving my arms, the more she kept yelling at me. and then she peeled out and kept driving until her car was smaller and smaller. I have to take care of my girls. Olive and Frankie need me. I was almost chocking at the point.
just then, I saw a white truck pull up and over. it had 2 adults ands one kid. A women got out and walked over to me. I struggled but I managed to say “Hi I’m mother of two girls and I’m having a panic attack so I don’t want to drive them… I’m struggling right now can you help me…” and these words weren’t easy to get out, and she looked at me curiously (this is at the height of everyone nervous with what is happening) I mustered out a question with tears in my eyes… “Are you my angel?” she smiled and said”I don’t know but my name is Frankie” and the damn broke. I burst into tears. This woman has the same name as my daughter! She MUST be my angel. Through my tears I said “I believe in angels”
She offered to drive my car while her friends in the truck followed. I trusted her. We drove in silence and then Olive said to her “thank God we found you because that other woman wasn’t cool. she just yelled at mom” I said “yeah man she was dark energy. It turns out Frankie is a farmer “I build vegetable gardens” and right then and there, knowing she cultivates the earth I felt even more safe. She said “with everything that is going on, now is the best time to do some earthing. Earthing is where you work in the soil. shoes are optional”
When we got to our neighborhood, I asked for her contact so I could try repay one day.
After, the kids went in the house, happy as clams. I walked around my street trying to calm down. I was beginning to breathe more regularly. Or so I thought because at moments I would start to convulse tears and then I would laugh hysterically out of sheer nerves and the ridiculous nature of this episode. I always love when we laugh and cry at the sometime. It is possible to the two as twins. They are such similar creatures. It’s a seesaw between such comparable sounds and physical exertions. I also have the word BREATHE tattoo’d on my arm. I thought it was quite ironic in this moment.
I then started walking through my house
I also took a sedative
This was one of the worst panic attacks. This was the heavyweight boxer champion of panic attacks. This was the Wonders of the World level of freak out.
So, weeks later, I am now building a vegetable garden in our yard. And it’s in honor of all the earthing angels! Believe in angels… for they are on the ground and all around!
